“Your Shadow is all of the things, ‘positive’ and ‘negative,’ that you’ve denied about yourself and hidden beneath the surface of the mask you forgot that you’re wearing.” – Oli Anderson
In my search to understand myself better, one of the tools I’ve utilized is shadow work. According to Swiss psychologist Carl Jung, the “shadow” or “shadow self”, are the disowned and unconscious parts of a person’s personality that their ego fails to accept, acknowledge, or see. Jung notes that the shadow is an essential part of us; We can’t get rid of it, but need to learn to make peace with it and integrate it into our lives. Failure to do so results in us projecting onto others aspects of our shadow selves. In other words, all the parts that we don’t accept within ourselves, we’ll see it the people around us. Spiritual coach Clare Cusack writes,
“It would seem to be the case that the more something in particular riles you in another, then the more likely it is in fact one of your own shadow aspects. In this situation you correctly identify a shadow aspect, but wrongly point the finger at another, when in actual fact that very characteristic is one for you to work on in yourself. With this in mind it is useful to acknowledge the things you find particularly annoying in others and then look within yourself. You can ask questions like ‘Where am I really angry?’, ‘Where am I really selfish?’, ‘Where do I blame others?’, ‘When am I judgmental?’, ‘Do I think there is something wrong with me?’, ‘Is it me, not them?’ If we ask ourselves these questions and think with honesty of times that we may have had selfish, judgmental, arrogant or blaming thoughts and look to the shadow parts of ourselves that raise those feelings, then we can start to accept with love those parts of ourselves and start to heal.”
This concludes your Psych 101 basic overview of the Jungian Shadow. Knowledge of the shadow is only half the battle though; The real benefit starts when we become willing to explore what lies hidden in the dark.
There are a number of ways and methods to help someone “find” their shadow self. For me, I looked at my core fears, insecurities, and things that bring up shame. Another helpful exercise was to look at behaviors that trigger me in other people and then seeing if I exhibit those behaviors in my own life. This list isn’t exhaustive and not in any order of importance, but here are some traits I’ve seen in my own shadow:
My shadow is incredibly insecure and craves external validation for acceptance. This results in “mask wearing” to gain the approval and love of others.
My shadow is selfish and can be unreliable.
My shadow is aloof and awkward around others.
My shadow is deeply afraid of what “can go wrong” in life. This results in me living in fear, anxiety, and having little capacity to see the good when focusing mostly on the “bad.”
My shadow is aggressive and keeps score of wrongs, real or perceived.
My shadow is impulsive and a master at self-sabotage.
Reading over this list, I believe they arose mostly through past traumatic experiences where I felt unsafe, unloved, cast aside, ostracized, or abandoned. Because I lacked the understanding, emotional maturity, and guidance to handle those situations, rather than develop resiliency and confidence, it led to an overwhelming need to protect myself from encountering those situations and/or feelings again. Lacking perceived “protection”, the shadow traits were my subconscious seeking ways to assert control over my life and to prevent past recurrences of painful situations.
As mentioned previously, we can’t get rid of our shadows, but we can make peace with them. For me, its a process that involves a greater self-awareness and compassion for myself and my past. Its not judging the shadow for being an unreliable asshole, but being able to go back and discover the root cause of those traits and feelings in the first place. Doing so allows for acceptance of all parts of my personality, good and bad, which ultimately enables me to live a more fully integrated life.
So what about you? Have you ever done shadow work? Peered into the deep, dark recesses of yourself and didn’t like what you saw? Maybe ignored or repressed parts of yourself? I encourage you to take another look. You might not like what you see, but sometimes, those are the very things we need to be confronted with to move forward in our lives.
Ferris ; Wheel 